please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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