Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
