I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
