I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
