I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
