just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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