I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
