Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
