i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he thought i was a dude.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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