So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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