i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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