Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
