Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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