you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
