Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
