Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
