I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I touched a dick in church today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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