You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
