another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
