you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry my hands just texted you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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