remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
