dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
