i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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