508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
