that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize