we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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