so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
