Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
