Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i permit you to call me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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