I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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