I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
