everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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