He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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