Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
