Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
