if i can run in heels then i can drive
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
