How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
being pregnant is like rehab
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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