just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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