Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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