And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
