Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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