I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
