I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
