I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
