Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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