I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
