90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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