Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
bring money and cleavage
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
