Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
