thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
