Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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